Today I have decided to forgive everyone for every fucked up thing they ever did to me. 

2012 is going to be a year of rebirth and renewal for me. So I must leave all these thoughts of regret and pain, behind me. Starting today I am going to be nothing but positive. I will think thoughts of happiness and success. 

Yes, I was angry with half the world at one point. but fuck them. I need to learn to take nothing personal because they are the problem not me. 

My heart has no more room for anger and pain. 

I honestly feel like my life is falling appart one weekend at a time and no one besides myself has a clue about it. Nothing seems to be going right. I cant even work right which means I’m not making any money. My emotions are all over the place. I honestly do not know what to do with my self anymore. I gotta stay strong and make the best out of this weekend though and I will. Once I leave my house I need to clear my mind and only think about money all day. thats it. nothing more nothing less. I’ll think about my problems from Monday through Wednesday from now on.

So i’ve been feeling like shit all day for no good reason really. I mean  its probably cause Steven left to Afghanistan today, but I still cant seem to comprehend how that affected me so much. I mean it could also be that I’m on my period. & I also have a feeling that this is the end of Steven and I. and if so I need to fucken be strong and let that shit go and move on with my life because life  is too fucken short to be mourning over the loss of someone that is obviously too blind to see or too stupid to realize what an amazing person I am. Anybody with above average brains would know this.  For some reason all the motherfuckers I always fuck with are not even close to being as smart as me. they’re grammar is horrible, they’re fucken hoes, and they lie way too much. & did I mention that they are both Pisces. haha

So I finally stopped crying. now I must wait for Nickie to get home so we can go get some weed cause I sure do need me some weed right now. 

Oh yeah another thing that has been bothering me is the fact of how much of a shitty mom I am, I just realized how much my child is not with me. No wonder she has issues. I must change this. I need too. She is the only valuable person in my life and my only reason for living, If it wasn’t for my Briahna I most likely would not be here today she gives me the strenght that I lack to survive this horrendous life I was given. Sometimes I don’t appreciate her love for me and it kills me when she’s gone cause its the only thing I think about. 

I’m so fucken broke too so I need to go to work every day and work my ass off cause I need lots of money, Since everything else is out of my control that should be my main focus right now. getting money all day every day.  

When life fails, just get money. should be my new motto lol yeah right,

no but seriously, I need to work everyday and make lots of money everyday and I need to be in a good mood everyday cause being in a bad mood only complicates shit more. So I need to get the fuck off my bed and make money. lol

I love how I am the only person on this planet that can motivate me the most, when I fall I get myself up. I wish I had a friend sometimes but shit for what so they break my heart and leave me crying fuck that I’ve had enough of that. 

my main priorities are BRIAHNA & MONEY. sighs

alright I must go write my closure letter to Steven.